~ About Me ~
I used to want to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
It was a childhood fantasy that I dreamed about.
I’m not sure I’ve ever admitted that to anyone, so you may be the first one to know this about me.
It was a deep seeded calling that I carried with me up until recently. I remember when I was somewhere about the ages of 6 to 8 years of age, lying in bed before nodding off to sleep, fantasizing about how beautiful I wanted to be. I’m not sure this is normal behavior for such a little girl, and yet it was undeniable for me.
Perhaps I could blame it on my home environment or my upbringing but if you ask me about my childhood, I cannot lay blame to anyting or anyone.
I had this dream even before my parents divorced and for the life of me, I never saw that coming so I cannot blame the lack of harmony between my dad and mom, which had the potential to foster wanting to be seen, noticed or important. As far as I can remember, they loved each other. I never saw them fight, have an argument and I never witnessed them treating each other badly.
Looking back, I can say that I felt pretty important and special. As a matter of fact, being the oldest child of the three of us, I actually felt like I had a responsibility to make sure my brother and sister were raised right. I was rather bossy. (That may be a topic for another discussion).
So, now into the second chapter of my life, I’m getting intimate with the little girl in me that had an insatiable need to be beautiful, perfect and noticed. For all of these attributes I was sure would accompany beauty. It was also a driving force that set up a lot of behavioral patterns that no longer serve me.
If you ask me who I am and what I’m about, I could tell you stories about all of my memories, education, training, life skills and personality traits but that would not tell you anything about me. They would simply be stories, as told by me about how I remember things. I am not the sum of all of my life happenings and memories but rather a figment of my imagination … your imagination. I am all that you think I am … nothing more … nothing less.
And if you ask me who I think I am, I can say with 100% certainty that, I do not know!
There is a quote that says, “The unknowing mind is a free mind”. I don’t know if this is true.
I heard Byron Katie say one time that, she was a woman without a future. That struck a chord with me and I identified with it whole heartedly.
I invite life to do me, rather than me doing life.
I invite this thing I call “Life” to expose the dream … the illusion.
And in return, I release any judgment and simply invite myself to observe, free from any attachment to anything, anybody, any circumstance … any of it!
I’m still releasing pre-conditioned patterns.
I’m still in wonder at how dynamic this experience is.
I’m still discovering the Love that I Am.
It’s all so breathtaking!
Join me ♥